did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
