I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
