I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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