Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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