Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
