He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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