Duck Duck Cougar?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
