It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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