Don't make out with my wife yet
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
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I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize