Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
