No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
