R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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