I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
the room spins SO much faster in panama
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
