Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
