I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
