I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
