the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
