i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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