What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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