He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
