Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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