Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
