you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
