hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
