yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Farmville is her only friend.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
