amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
