After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
