She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
