its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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