areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I will pee on everything he values.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
