She said her name was "party"
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
