I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
