i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize