They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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