He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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