Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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