This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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