i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
