I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
