it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
