You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
