WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
