Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
