Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Randomize
