So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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