The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
