My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I am available for nakedness
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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