I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
