It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
