I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
