yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
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