Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
