I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
