Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
