After last night, I could never be a politician.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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