I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
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