My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
