At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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