I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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