Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
