Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Why is there bacon in the couch?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
