i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
