Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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