the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
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