Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
