Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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