I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize