my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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