You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
