i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'd cum for enchiladas.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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