trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
