i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
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Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
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Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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