Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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