I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize