Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
PANTIES FOUND
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
