Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
