BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
So many bounce houses so little time
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
