The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
