she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
