I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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