I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
