i think my mom watched the whole time
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
