Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
