Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
