Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
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